.: Letting Go :.

All this while you think that you can let it go....

you think you can be kind enough...."shut an eye" ....and let it go...so that this particular incident will stop bugging you...or perhaps burdening or hurting you....

but in fact...when you thought you really don't mind at all and had finally let it go....you actually had never...and you can't seem to let it go....

and when you found out that you had never let it go...."it" just keep bugging you....and had planted itself deep inside your heart....

Many times...our mind knows it...our mind clearly knows that it is the past....knows that it's all over already...and there's nothing to be worried about....cos you'd already got what you needed and wanted the most....

But....our Heart....sometimes does not tell us the same thing as our Mind does...cos deep down inside our heart.... in one hidden corner in our heart....we still can't let it go...and "it" still affect us...unconsciously....it still does...and when this hidden corner of our heart is being dug out....it hurts....a lot....really....it is really painful....and if there's second chance...i would rather it to be kept hidden forever.....

When will i really ever be able to let it go totally??....when only will i be truthful enough and say..."Yes...i really don't mind...anymore..it's the past already"....when can i really accept it that it's all the past??

I dunno....perhaps it take days...months...years....or even decades.....just hope that this day come soon.....so that the pain will subside soon.....

Quote: Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present....

Had this past spoil my present ???....or it had just only injured me??..........

.: Destiny :.

Humans....no maybe i should say "living things".. go through many different stages of life....

The path one person been through may not be what the others go through....

People always say....the end of this journey is the beginning of the other journey....

As for me...

Coming back from London...for good now...i'd taken a brand new path...started a new journey...not of my own...but with the one i love...and hopefully...both of us will walk along this journey together hand-in-hand...overcome everything together heart-with-heart...with joy, happiness, tears, love..............

We first met 2 years ago in London...we attended the same Masters Degree course at University of Westminster...the first time i noticed him was during the induction week...and we officially met each other during the course's introductory dinner on the River Thames Cruise....

.: P'Top & Sunnie...this is when we first met...officially :.

{actually had posted this pic before...in one of the earlier posts}

Both of us looked so different then....compared to now....in just 2 years...everything had changed...we started out to be just course-mates then...moved on to be 2 good friends...ended to be a pair of couple...and now....soul-mates....perhaps...this is wat we call "fate & destiny"....

i could still remember...when we first met...all that we know is..we are course-mates...my new friend from Bangkok...and later this new friend of mine had become my close friend...the person whom i go to whenever i need someone to talk to...from there...he had also become my companion in London especially when Chia is not free...he is the one who always accompany walking, eating and shopping around London...haha...we'd even become our course's topic of gossip....rumours went around our course as in whether are we couple??...hahha...of cos...not..we were just good frens...who enjoy the companionship of each other....hahaha....and finally....we graduated together....and with the rumours still going on....hahahaha.....

.: our graduation :.

perhaps it is true like wat people always say....the more the two-person stay together...the more the bonding will grow...and perhaps this is how our feelings for each other grow stronger by each day...however....neither of us take actions for the feelings we had inside....or maybe i should say...i din take any actions for the feelings i had for him....cos...inside me i know...one day...we will have to part....he will have to return to Bangkok one day...and i'll have to go back to KL too....i could still remember the day when Chia was with me at Heathrow airport sending him off...for his flight back to Bangkok...at that moment...all that was in my mind was..."when will i ever see him again??"..."will i be able to see him again??"...and i remember tears rolling down my cheeks like it will never end...that was one of the most heart-breaking moment for me in London....i remember...i told him before...knowing him is one of the best thing which had happened to me in London....and that separation was one of the worst....he was one of the best....and he was also one of the worst moments i had in London...perhaps this is called "destiny".......

after he went back to Bangkok....while i was still in London...i really thought that we will never meet again...though we still keep in touch via online...but we are thousands of miles apart....and we don't know when will we meet again...until...when i went back to KL....my parents allowed me to fly to Bangkok to visit him...this was really surprising...as my parents never allow me to travel alone...and this is the first time...i travel alone..and they allowed...perhaps it's like Chia said...dad n mom likes him a lot too...so tat's why they let me go...

from boarding into the plane...to the plane departed till the plane landed in Bangkok...all that was in my mind was...what should i say to him when i see him at the airport??...i was nervous....so when i first arrived at the airport in Bangkok...all i did was hurried to the immigration counters...collect my baggage and go meet him at the arrival hall....haha...i still remember he dressed up funnily standing there waiting for me at the arrival hall...without a word...all i did was walked straight to him...and hugged him....hahahaha....

.:at Amphawa Floating Market, Thailand:.

after a week in Bangkok...he went back to KL with me...to send me back home safely...and also to meet my parents again...he met my parents before when they came for my graduation...and surprisingly...both my parents...and my family like him a lot..i still remember before dad n mom fly off from London...mom told dad...if dad is lucky enough...he will be his son-in-law....and now...hehehe....yes..he is......

HE is a very loving hubby...who cares and concerns about me more than anyone in this world...besides my parents and family....he is also my big kid whom i need to take good care of...he is always so gentle towards me...he is always there to cheer me up to make me laugh when i was down...though sometimes he loves to bully me....he is the one i love dearly and deeply...

Love you Hubby....Muacks !!!!!

.: Time Zoomed :.

time no longer flies....

to me...time jus zoomed...and it's gone...way faster than the wind....

images of the day i landed in KLIA..waiting for daddy n mummy to come pick me up in the airport...and head home for the longly waited mom's homecook steamboat n food....all these seemed like it was yesterday..but in fact it was already one and a half month back...and now....6 weeks later....i have to go back to London and to complete my dissertation...before i can officially complete my masters here....

everything that happened in these 6 weeks back home seems like jus nothing....though many things had happened....i had even travel to Phuket n Pangkor with my family...met my fren in Pangkor...met Top & Sally in Phuket...met my dears and close frens....i'd even visited medical institution and clinics...check my body....dear even took me to foot massage...*it was really painful!!*....i even met an eyedologist from aussie....and the list goes on and on and on...but all these seemed to ha jus Zoomed....and it's all the past now....

and after tonight...my summer vacation back home in Malaysia will end....and i will have to go back to London tomolo nite to complete my dissertation....i really miss home a lot....much much more this time...cos during this trip back to malaysia...mummy n daddy and sunnie had got closer...lot more closer...not only that....shan had also became closer with all other family members too...like fei..yee...granny n granpa...uncles n aunties...cousins....soonling!!..leebebe...hui!!..moreover..everytime when go to London...Chia will be home...with me...for sure....not right on the same day...but definitely she will be back..latest...1-2 weeks later...but this time...i shall be alone...for 3 months..till Chia is back again...

just hope that tonight...time will jus stop at tonight...so that i could stay home a little more longer...

i miss home soooo much...am going to miss everyone back here soo soo soo much....................

.: i hate Sunnie :.

have you ever tried looking at yourself in the mirror and ask "who is this ugly person"...and the more u look at the image reflected on the mirror...the more you hate it....well...I DO...and it is everytime i look in the mirror...since when??....i can't seem to recall the date....all i know...is...it had been way long ago...a few months back...and a few months had past....still....I DO hate the image i saw in the mirror....and hate more and more each time....

in London...i told myself..."Sunnie is ruined"...the Malaysian-Sunnie is gone since she is in London...and who did this to her??...ME!!....i ruined Sunnie...the one with the charms and everything i love about her....is now all gone...and me....me...me...i am the cause of it.....

now back in Malaysia...with all high hope that the Malaysian Sunnie will be back....but...in fact....NOPE...not at all...she seemed to had gone forever....her looks....her charms...her eyes...everything of her seemed to be had gone...except for her smile n laughter...which is somehow different from the past....whereby most of her family says...she seemed to be much more happier than the past...and seems to smile n laugh more at home....well...putting up smiles and laughters at home are the only way she can do to hide the depressed side of her....and these smiles and laughters...is the only thing that she can do to make her family being less worried bout her....

besides...since returning to Malaysia...her lifestyle had changed too....Sunnie whom once enjoy tasting different delicacies and cuisines and dishes is no longer here...she'd now turned into a semi-vegetarian..only eating vegetables..fruits..and fish or prawns...and the rest like chicken, pork, beef etc etc....is no longer in her menu...Sunnie whom used to enjoy sleeping for long hours...and can jus stay in bed the whole day....is gone too...in fact....herfamily who used to complained that she sleeps a lot now forced her to go to bed and sleep....Sunnie who is not so much of a morning person...now had changed too....waking up at 7.30am daily...7 times a week...to do jogging....which she could not do in the past due to her leg injuries...or to go swimming...which she could do too in the past due to her ear injuries...and these had been going on for the full 2 weeks since she is home....BUT...how long more can she put all these up??...how long more can she be committed and determined in doing all these??...how much more commitment and determination does she still have??

with all these changes in her lifestyle...nothing in her body had changed at all...no results seemed to show up too...and i really hate this...hate it so much....there are times...i really wanna to just give up...but....but....i can't...all that i could think of now is..to continue with this...and hate myself more each time... in the past...no matter how much i hated myself....there is still a little part of me that i would still love...but now....NONE...there's nothing left in me..nothing left in Sunnie which i could love anymore....and it's all not with HATRED...why??...i dunno....how it turned out this way??...i dunno....wat can i do ??...i dunno....when will this end??...i dunno.......i dunno i dunno i dunno ...........................................................

.:Relieved....only for 1 sec...NoNo...3sec:.

Phew~~~

am relieved....at least for like awhile....not 1 not 2...but only for 3 seconds...

1st second is for...scoring the highest in class for my Direct Marketing group coursework report...Part 1...and the topic is about Johnson's Baby Lotion....though the mark is not that high..high merit (near distinction)....but still compared to the whole class...we were the highest in class....phew~~...relieved for 1 second.......and now have to start cracking our head for the coursework report Part 2...and the pitching presentation...OMG !!!..can't breathe already.........

the 2nd second or relieve is for our Analysis and Strategy group presentation..and our topic is HMV....cos...we finally done with the presentation on Monday...and we had some good feedback from our lecturer...good !!!...yay!!!....but.......we still got to go the report....3000 words...due on thursday...oh my !!!

.:HMV group presentation....some of the slides:.

and lastly the 3rd second of phew~ is...for the finished HMV 3000 group report...yay !!...after staying in uni for the past few days....from say till night....especially from Monday - Wednesday....in the uni till 10pm...we managed to finish it on time...and FINALLY hand it in on Thursday afternoon.....well done...kekee...

.:the cover page of our HMV group report:

.:the group members before submitting the report...Sunnie, Song, Paras & Vicha-missing:.

oh....i can add another second for my IMC part 1....so means 4 seconds....cos the lecturer "buy" my idea for the IMC project...hehehe...good good....and tat is only the part 1...i still have a 3500 words Part 2 - situation analysis...and 15,000 words Part 3 - the whole project to do...oh my god !!!...no time to relieve and phew~ anymore...

and....definitely no more time anymore....to be relieved....cos...i still have to many reports and presentation to do...and dateline is end of this month...+ begining of april...havent mention...i still have a PR report to do...oh my oh my... ! ! !

so now...u know why i can only be relieved for "seconds" and neither minutes, hours nor days....

wish me luck !!

hope i still can hold on and stand when all these end....

i really need strength to complete all these.....

help me .............................................