.: Time Zoomed :.

time no longer flies....

to me...time jus zoomed...and it's gone...way faster than the wind....

images of the day i landed in KLIA..waiting for daddy n mummy to come pick me up in the airport...and head home for the longly waited mom's homecook steamboat n food....all these seemed like it was yesterday..but in fact it was already one and a half month back...and now....6 weeks later....i have to go back to London and to complete my dissertation...before i can officially complete my masters here....

everything that happened in these 6 weeks back home seems like jus nothing....though many things had happened....i had even travel to Phuket n Pangkor with my family...met my fren in Pangkor...met Top & Sally in Phuket...met my dears and close frens....i'd even visited medical institution and clinics...check my body....dear even took me to foot massage...*it was really painful!!*....i even met an eyedologist from aussie....and the list goes on and on and on...but all these seemed to ha jus Zoomed....and it's all the past now....

and after tonight...my summer vacation back home in Malaysia will end....and i will have to go back to London tomolo nite to complete my dissertation....i really miss home a lot....much much more this time...cos during this trip back to malaysia...mummy n daddy and sunnie had got closer...lot more closer...not only that....shan had also became closer with all other family members too...like fei..yee...granny n granpa...uncles n aunties...cousins....soonling!!..leebebe...hui!!..moreover..everytime when go to London...Chia will be home...with me...for sure....not right on the same day...but definitely she will be back..latest...1-2 weeks later...but this time...i shall be alone...for 3 months..till Chia is back again...

just hope that tonight...time will jus stop at tonight...so that i could stay home a little more longer...

i miss home soooo much...am going to miss everyone back here soo soo soo much....................

.: i hate Sunnie :.

have you ever tried looking at yourself in the mirror and ask "who is this ugly person"...and the more u look at the image reflected on the mirror...the more you hate it....well...I DO...and it is everytime i look in the mirror...since when??....i can't seem to recall the date....all i know...is...it had been way long ago...a few months back...and a few months had past....still....I DO hate the image i saw in the mirror....and hate more and more each time....

in London...i told myself..."Sunnie is ruined"...the Malaysian-Sunnie is gone since she is in London...and who did this to her??...ME!!....i ruined Sunnie...the one with the charms and everything i love about her....is now all gone...and me....me...me...i am the cause of it.....

now back in Malaysia...with all high hope that the Malaysian Sunnie will be back....but...in fact....NOPE...not at all...she seemed to had gone forever....her looks....her charms...her eyes...everything of her seemed to be had gone...except for her smile n laughter...which is somehow different from the past....whereby most of her family says...she seemed to be much more happier than the past...and seems to smile n laugh more at home....well...putting up smiles and laughters at home are the only way she can do to hide the depressed side of her....and these smiles and laughters...is the only thing that she can do to make her family being less worried bout her....

besides...since returning to Malaysia...her lifestyle had changed too....Sunnie whom once enjoy tasting different delicacies and cuisines and dishes is no longer here...she'd now turned into a semi-vegetarian..only eating vegetables..fruits..and fish or prawns...and the rest like chicken, pork, beef etc etc....is no longer in her menu...Sunnie whom used to enjoy sleeping for long hours...and can jus stay in bed the whole day....is gone too...in fact....herfamily who used to complained that she sleeps a lot now forced her to go to bed and sleep....Sunnie who is not so much of a morning person...now had changed too....waking up at 7.30am daily...7 times a week...to do jogging....which she could not do in the past due to her leg injuries...or to go swimming...which she could do too in the past due to her ear injuries...and these had been going on for the full 2 weeks since she is home....BUT...how long more can she put all these up??...how long more can she be committed and determined in doing all these??...how much more commitment and determination does she still have??

with all these changes in her lifestyle...nothing in her body had changed at all...no results seemed to show up too...and i really hate this...hate it so much....there are times...i really wanna to just give up...but....but....i can't...all that i could think of now is..to continue with this...and hate myself more each time... in the past...no matter how much i hated myself....there is still a little part of me that i would still love...but now....NONE...there's nothing left in me..nothing left in Sunnie which i could love anymore....and it's all not with HATRED...why??...i dunno....how it turned out this way??...i dunno....wat can i do ??...i dunno....when will this end??...i dunno.......i dunno i dunno i dunno ...........................................................

.:Relieved....only for 1 sec...NoNo...3sec:.

Phew~~~

am relieved....at least for like awhile....not 1 not 2...but only for 3 seconds...

1st second is for...scoring the highest in class for my Direct Marketing group coursework report...Part 1...and the topic is about Johnson's Baby Lotion....though the mark is not that high..high merit (near distinction)....but still compared to the whole class...we were the highest in class....phew~~...relieved for 1 second.......and now have to start cracking our head for the coursework report Part 2...and the pitching presentation...OMG !!!..can't breathe already.........

the 2nd second or relieve is for our Analysis and Strategy group presentation..and our topic is HMV....cos...we finally done with the presentation on Monday...and we had some good feedback from our lecturer...good !!!...yay!!!....but.......we still got to go the report....3000 words...due on thursday...oh my !!!

.:HMV group presentation....some of the slides:.

and lastly the 3rd second of phew~ is...for the finished HMV 3000 group report...yay !!...after staying in uni for the past few days....from say till night....especially from Monday - Wednesday....in the uni till 10pm...we managed to finish it on time...and FINALLY hand it in on Thursday afternoon.....well done...kekee...

.:the cover page of our HMV group report:

.:the group members before submitting the report...Sunnie, Song, Paras & Vicha-missing:.

oh....i can add another second for my IMC part 1....so means 4 seconds....cos the lecturer "buy" my idea for the IMC project...hehehe...good good....and tat is only the part 1...i still have a 3500 words Part 2 - situation analysis...and 15,000 words Part 3 - the whole project to do...oh my god !!!...no time to relieve and phew~ anymore...

and....definitely no more time anymore....to be relieved....cos...i still have to many reports and presentation to do...and dateline is end of this month...+ begining of april...havent mention...i still have a PR report to do...oh my oh my... ! ! !

so now...u know why i can only be relieved for "seconds" and neither minutes, hours nor days....

wish me luck !!

hope i still can hold on and stand when all these end....

i really need strength to complete all these.....

help me .............................................

.:Cherish Life & Love:.

life is fragile....
life is to be appreciated and cherished...
not to be made fun and played with...
and definitely not to be wasted..........

love is a feeling...
love can be blind...
love can be triggered at the first sight...
love is complex.....

however.......

before starting to love somebody.....
the first thing to do ..is to love yourself...
if you dunno how to love yourself
u can never love others...
and don't have the rights to love others...
cos you dunno how to love...

.:Today is the Day?!:.

What is a good choice??....and what is a bad choice???
What is a good decision??...and what is a bad decision???
i dun think i still know about it....and i really never know....

but it doesn't really matter i know or not...it doesn't really matter anymore....
cos today is the day...the day that i have to make a choice...the day i have to make a decision...
a choice..which i hope...would make my life better...a decision...which i hope will reduce my burden....

though many people will say that i'd made a selfish decision...made a bad choice...
but...who'd stand on my side and to think for me....how important this choice...this decision is for me...who know how much had i went through...that i have to come up with this decision???

well....i guess...now...it doesn't matter how good or bad is the choice...and is the decision that i had made....cos...i'd already chosen to make that decision...
and all that i can do now...is to live with the decision that i'd chosen...the choice i had made...
and hopefully to be back into my Sunnie-mode again soon....
though i dunno when will it be...but i hope i won't have to wait long for this.....

.: Sleepless + Tiredness + Thinkings = ??? :.

about 2 weeks after Valentine's...and how am i??....
well...still having bits of insomnia...hahaha..not exactly insomnia...more like..can't really sleep at nite..despite being very tired....why??...well i think it's because the tiredness level is too high till like...sleepiness is not in there anymore...so...if u ask me am i tired...yes i am...sleepy??...no i am not...and i dunno why....maybe because...i am still thinking a lot...a lot a lot and a lot...and wat am i thinking??...hahahhaa....almoast everything..........

so..wat had i been doing??...had courseworks datelines to meet...one group coursework...and one 3000 words individual coursework...to hand-in...having days of butterflies in the tummy...waiting for the results of Final Exam in January...missing home...thinking about this...that...these and those...there are jus so many things inside me..and so many more coming into me...piling all up...which will be loading and sinking me soon...and...hopefullly not...*fingers-crossed*...

since i am back in London...i think this is the longest period that i am not in the Sunnie-mode...locking myself in my room...not going out...not hanging out..jus Uni..and back home...and had been sleeping with my Vaio on the table till early morning when i crawl to bed lying on the bed....*oops...chia and daddy n mummy will be worried and start grumbling me again if they know about this...so sorry* ...and i dunno when it had started...i dunno how long will this one go...and i dunno why is it this way??....all i know is...i haven't been sleeping enough for the past few nites...more like the past few dawns...hehehe...why...well...on Monday morning...wake up quite late...cos no class today...but i have group meeting...to complete the report...compile everything and print...and to start my individual report in uni...and my dawn sleeping hours begin......

Monday...did the report...and research...off to bed during Tuesday early dawn around 4am...and wake up 8.30am off to class...and this went on the same for Tuesday and Wednesday nite..whereby...i apparently slept during the dawn too...except that...i am sleeping at the time nearer to late dawn..which is around 5.30am...and wake up around 9.00am and off to class...and the funny thing is..having my body so fatigue..i am supposed to be very sleepy...instead...except for during in the morning which i felt real sleepy...until lunch...where the sleepiness starting to go away...and even me myself too can't believe that i have tat much of energy to stay up till dawn the next day...wow !!!!...by the way..it is Friday dawn now...which i am supposed to sleep on Thursday nite...hehehe..

by the way...this is part of my 3000 words individual report....an advertisement for IKEA which i have to create...hehehehe....


and wat am i doing now??....well..still not sleepy yet...and it had passed 3.00am here...so wat on earth am i doing in London at this hour??..jus back from party??...NOPE !!!....i had been home since after class and submitting my report in uni...and here i am in my room till now....and now...am watching So you Think You Can Dance Season 4 !!! ....hehehehe....

i think my brain is not functioning tat well again...i think..hahaha...
better stop it better it stop functioning...or....become defective...hahahaaha...
soo....
see ya...and yes..i will try to sleep early...and have early rest....early in the nite and not early in the morning...kekkekekekekekke....
*phew lucky me tomolo no class...can have a good rest back home... :)

.: Valentine's in London :.

Happy Valentine's Day everybody...
how did u celebrate this romantic day of the year??...
it's a day to sprinkle love all around...share love with the loved ones....why??...cos love is in the air for all of us....let's "breath-in" lots of love on this romantically loving day...

so how did i celebrate mine??....hahaha.....
many people must be curious how am i celebrating Valentine's in London....
many thought my schedule will be fully packed...with people asking me out for dates etc etc...
some even thought i will receive roses or gifts by Unix from Malaysia...and some even thought that i might be receiving roses from "flies" or "bees" in London...

well...in actual fact...in had only one date today...and tat is...my beloved "Sony Vaio Laptop"...i had been with him the whole Valentine's day...from day till night....
and all those things that the 'many' and 'some' of them thought that might had happened to me during Valentine's did not happen at all....none of those actually happened...

haha...talking back bout this....it's kinda sad right..haha...more like...a boring Valentine's Day for me...not as exciting or as fun as many people thought it was for me...haha...well..wat to do...i am single in London....and...i dun have *market* here...as i'd been telling many...hehe.. :)

anyway...
Happy Valentine's Day everyone...
hope your Valentine's is much more better than me...
muax muax !!!

.: First 48 Hours Spent Back Home :.

YAY!!! Was back home during the Winter Holiday...
arrived KLIA on 1th Dec 2008...our flight is delayed for awhile...me and Chia touched down KLIA at around 6.00pm ++...check out from the immigration...collect our luggages...and head towards the exit to the arrival hall...walking and walking...and....DADDY & MUMMY came to our sight....miss them so much...tears almost roll down my cheeks seeing them standing there waiting for us so patiently...really makes me want to run and fly to them n hug so tightly....mummy seem to got thinner...n daddy seems older already....guess due to all the stress and pressure from his work... :(

upon arrival...we headed to Xenri Japanese Restaurant for dinner...yummy yummy meal...upon arrival...am so so so happy...and ya...LeeBeBe and Lin Yng came along too...and XiaoJiu joined us too...hehehe....missed these Japanese food so much...hahahaa....

.:Xenri Japanese Restaurant:.

after dinner...head back home...and chit chat with everyone....cos uncle n aunt came over too....i just love to be back home...back to the warm and hot...all year round summer Malaysia....well..at least i dun have to be in the very cold London....i always love summer...hehehe...

so...everyone was thinking i should be relaxing and having fun back in KL...ahem**....not exactly actually...well at least not for the first night....why??....on this first nite..LeeBeBe is supposed to sleep with me...by the way LeeBeBe is my cutie little cousin sister...heheh...so...she get herself changed and came into my romm..ready to go to bed..and me???...busy rushing and finishing the report for my Advertising subject...which is to be submitted to the lecturer on 16th Dec....London time...and how long i took to finished it??..apparently...the whole nite....and...i didn't even sleep until like around 10am in the morning...which is the time after LeeBeBe got up...unbelievably...i spent my firsat night back home...in front of my laptop..on my blue table..seeing the sunrise... [hmm..should had take the pic of sunrise...missed it.. :( ]...sleeping at 10.am...and have to wake up later 1.00pm for my photoshoot at 4.00pm....wow !!!!....so....crawled to bed at 10.00am...and i could hardly fall asleep...cos...too tired...and for LeeBeBe...she wouldn't dare to sleep with me again...cos she had been sleeping alone on my blue bed...when she is so afraid of sleeping alone...hehe....

wat happened later???...like said...i woke up at 1.00pm..which i had to...but seriously....i couldn't wake up...missed my bed so much...and am so so so sleepy....cos i havent been sleeping much in the plane as well....thanks to Unix...who had came to pick me up for the photoshoot...came n wake me up with LeeBeBe...heehe....then....get my showered and all dressed up....and off to lunch...and my mom was like... "u sure u have enough sleep and energy for the photoshoot later?"...i was like...why not??...and wait a minute...this means she actually know i slept at 10 int he morning....she was like..."lee bebe told me u slept at 10am"...then she was like...ok ok ..go for lunch....and off for lunch i went...and..before i leave...mom was like...dun come back so late...u havent been sleeping....u need to come home n rest...i was like..ok ok ..will try...depending wat time the shooting ends.......

so...off to meet the photographer....thanks to Unix for fetching me all around....once in his car car...i apparently....go into deep sleep straight away....am really happy tat he did not complained me sleeping in the car instead of accompanying him chit chatting....cos we haven't meet for 3 months....more like...lucky to have such a considerate Unix with me..hehehe..thank u !!!!!...so upon meeting the photographer...have to go to the make up artist place...get the make up and hair done...and off to this abandoned site for the 1st part of the photoshoot...the theme of the shooting..."the back lane"....dark and cool....

.:Photoshoot Part 1 - Abandoned Site:.

then...followed by Part 2 of the photoshoot...which is at this back lane in KL...and it is during the night...so...it's kinda scary...not really scary..more like awkward....cos...hehe...many ppl were looking at us during the photoshoot...especially the passer-by...hehehe...cos there are outdoor lightings with spotlights etc...hahaha...

.:Photoshoot Part 2 - Back Lane:.

the shooting end about 9pm...then...we moved on to the restaurant for dinner...hmm...really can't imagine me being able to do all these...more like have the energy n strength to do all these after not sleeping the whole nite doing the report...where did those energy come from...hahaha...so..wat we had for dinner...Korean food...which i had a lot in London...can't believe this...i dun usually eat Korean more like never..when i am in KL..then when i was in London..i tend to eat quite a lot of Korean food...and am liking it though...hahaha...

.:Korean Dinner:.

of cos...have to thank the 2 photographers for the great photographs...hehehe...here they are...hehe..thank u so much...hmm...by the way..they still owe me the photos !!!...got to call them send the photos to me....

.:Shan and the Photographers:.

Dinner ended at around 11pm..and for me..head home after tat???...no...not yet...though mumy called n asked why am i not back yet..cos she is so worried that i do not have enough sleep...but am still not heading abck home yet...where did i go??....drinking with my group of close frens...drinking as in..in the Cafe...not clubs or pubs...hehehe...so...finally...wat time did i reached home??....about 1.30am...am exhausted till the max!!!!!!!!!!

but am not tat tired...maybe..cos...i'd exceeded the max level of tiredness..thus...am not feeling tired or sleepy anymore..and maybe due to the jet-lag too....so wat had i done...??...went to surf online...chat with my frens back in London..and went to bed at around 5am...hahahaha.....cant believe i still have energy left to spare...hahahahhahaha....

basically...tat's what i'd done during the first 48 hours back home...

.: Precious 20 Days Back Home :.

Was back home during the Winter Hols...from 14th Dec till 3rd Jan...
Meaning...am celebrating X'Mas and New Year..back with my family...hehee....happily me...
But why not i stay back in Malaysia longer...why am i going back to London so quick???...cos...i got exam on 5th Jan... :( thus...i have to rush back here to London to preapre for my exam..

Well...out of these precious 20 days back home...i'd spent 10 days in Taiwan with my family...and that means...i'd only spent 10 days back home...and that is short...but even how even way...no matter where it is...i'm still spending time with my family...and tat's the good thing....jus that...i spent less time in KL doing my things...and 10 days in KL...i have so many things to do....with like...so little time to spend...

so wat had i done in these precious 20 days...why is it precious...cos...it's a rather short time spent at home....so..it's really precious...moreover..i dunno when will i be coming back to KL in 2009...cos still not confirmed yet...ok...so wat had i done??...many and lots...writing reports...attending photoshoots...shopping....new year celebration...doing check-ups....going out with Unix...hanging out with my Ven-Dear...meeting up my group of close frens *you know who you are*... etc etc etc.....wow !!!...am jus so packed...ahaha...

ya ya...not to mention...am so sorry that i couldn't meet up all my frens back in KL...only managed to meet up a few of my close frens....and...sorry for not calling you guys out when i was back..well..though am back at KL for 10 days...but it was like a "touch-n-go" trip back to KL..thus...din really have much time to meet you guys snf girld...sorry Chris-dear and my soon-to-be bride-Jesmine...sorry for not being able to meet u both....i promise..will definitely go see u girls when i am back again ok.. :)
and many many other more...jus too many to be mentioned...hehehe... :)

anyway...i had fun...and i really miss giong back to KL...
wanna to go back so much....and at the time i have to come back to London...really..dun feel like coming back...why??...cos i will be all alone here in London....dun wanna be alone.........

.:MIA for 2 Months:.

Missing for 2 months...from Blue3 Paradise...and here back again...hahaha...
many asked...."why haven't you been updating your blog?"..."wat happened to you??"...i was like...sorry sorry sorry...am really busy in London...lot's of things to do in London with my courseworks...presentations...reports....meetings...etc etc etc..

and..now...beginning of semester 2....still have a little time to write something..i guess...before getting into the busily-packed schedule again....
so how was my past 2 months...hahaha.....
many many things happened......went back KL during winter break...which is not exactly a break for me...cos i have to rush the reports...and study for my exam in Jan 2009...upon arrival and walking out to the arrival hall at KLIA...saw daddy n mummy standing there waiting for me n Chia...and really so so so happy...missed them so much...it felt like i'd been away from home for like years...though in fact..it was only like for 3 months ?!?!...hahaha.....

back in KL..have to prepare so many things...busy busy tooo...but well..at least...i did enjoyed everything back home....home sweet home...and back to my blue paradise room....plus the Taiwan trip...hehehehhe.....and yes..Taiwan again...i jus like holidaying at Taiwan and Japan...and this time is family holiday...hehehe.....

besides that...hmm....celebrated the New Year...back home...and then...off to London for my exam 2 days after new year....i miss home soo soo much....why??...cos....only me flying back to London....alone..to the empty apartment here alone...moreover....only mummy...chia..yee...and unix came sent me off at the airport...daddy n brother couldn'd make it as they have to attend a conference...all my dears...cant make it too..cos they were too busy...even my dai-b also din come...really makes me miss them soo soo soo much....really dun feel like going back to London... :( ...but i have to....not like i have a choice...and when hugging mummy at the airport...really feel so much of crying... :( ...and this is wat we call "home-sick"

anyway...am fine now already...getting better already...well..time heals...i guess.. :)
so back in London..wat i did???...hehehe....
"stay tuned to the upcoming posts"...hahahahah
see ya...
muax !!!!